So, as soon as we get there, we get checked into our rooms, and we are off to the chapel for round one of worship and preaching. I had previous experience, albeit brief, with the worship leader, and had never heard the speaker previously. My experience with the worship leader was not the most positive experience, and I was not expecting great things from the band. But I had made the decision before I left home that I was not going to let past experiences stop what God could do in this camp, and I am glad I did.
In the very first session, it became very clear that the band was not there to perform or to have a sing-a-long, they were there to worship. It was a breath of fresh air. The presence of God was very evident, and the Holy Spirit was moving powerfully, and we had just barely gotten off of the bus! In later conversations with band members and the worship leaders I could very clearly see that they were there to worship, and there was no other agendas involved.
Next came the speaker, Josh Riebock. This guy right off the bat reminded me of a clean Dane Cook. (Hard to imagine, I know) But he was hilarious! He had us laughing and crying and laughing again. Just when we were totally engaged, he shared some of Jesus' parables in a modern, relevant way, and applied them in a way that made everybody in the place do some soul searching. The first night he talked about listening to God. Night Two was about the Prodigal Son, his brother, shame, pride and confession, which led to great conversation with my high school guys.
Then came the last night. Josh was so honest, transparent and vulnerable. He was in tears at times, telling his story of loss and trying to find God in the midst of his brokenness. I found myself crying as if it were me that was the one that was broken. And then I realized that I was. I am broken. I am in need of my Savior. I cannot go a breath without Him, and the realization of that truth hit me. I knew that I would never be the same again. We had the most impactful time of ministry that night with our group of 50. We were all in tears as our students shared some of their brokenness and hurt. It was a great time, and for most, the best part of camp. But for me, the best was yet to come.
The last morning we got up, ate, and headed to the chapel one more time. Worship began, and I was in the back of the room. We sang a few upbeat songs that were fun and catchy tunes. Then we sang a song by Phil Wickham called Cielo. I had not heard the song until this weekend, and I fell in love. The chorus said, "I can't sing loud enough...when I'm singing for You my God," followed by the second chorus, "I can't bow low enough...at the vision of You my God," before the final chorus, "I can't lift my hands high enough...when I'm reaching for You my God." This resonated in my spirit so much that I was completely overwhelmed to the point of dropping to my knees and the tears streaming violently down my cheeks.
What I realized in that moment is something I have felt many times before, and I hope becomes a constant reality daily, and that is that I cannot give God a.) all he deserves, and b.) all I want to give Him. We will never be able to repay Him, I have resigned myself to that truth. But when I was in that moment, I realized that I couldn't sing loud enough, bow low enough or reach high enough when I am in the presence of God. I feel so inadequate when I worship. I feel like I want to give him is a stack of $100 bills, and all I have is a stack of coins.
And as I type this, I am reminded of the woman that gave two bits to the temple offering and the church folk scoffed. I may not have all that I want, but I will give all that I have.
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